PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
