Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
