The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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