curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
