You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
