You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
