the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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