I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
