Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
