just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she peed on how many people?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
