I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
