Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
