I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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