You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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