He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
And then he peed in my hair
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