am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize