Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
