I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
