Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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