Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
