when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
