my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
