I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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