morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize