Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
this is an emotional support booty call
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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