You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
