I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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