I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
