On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize