I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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