Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize