So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
