Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
