there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
