at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
