Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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