I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
