3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
