at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We are all done wearing pants today
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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