Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
