Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
