Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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