we have officially lost it.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
