Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
