Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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