Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize