He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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