The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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