talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
