every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
