I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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