He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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