I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
