listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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