I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
