Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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