Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize