3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
