When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
