My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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