had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize