Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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