that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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