He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
