hell yes lets make some ravioli
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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