I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize