She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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