shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
