I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
