Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
