you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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