forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
