Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
