this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
