If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
