So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize