I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
